Post-Christmas Depression?

Happy Tuesday!

You know that feeling you used to get as a kid the day after Christmas or your birthday? It's that feeling you would get after looking forward to something so long and then all of a sudden it's over in the blink of an eye. Yeah, I guess adults don't get that feeling after Christmas so much. One thing about growing up that I think we all hate is that every year special days start to feel a little less magical.

Anyway, this morning when I heard that Carrie Fisher (best known for her role as Princess Leia in Star Wars) had a heart attack, I thought, "Certainly she won't die. Certainly there won't be any more deaths of beloved public figures this year." I was wrong. My best pal Lauren called me just a few hours ago and told me the horrible news. Carrie was always a loud and proud warrior on the mental illness frontier, and even though I can't claim to be a big Star Wars fan, her role as Leia meant more to me growing up than I can say. What an empowering woman. She will be dearly missed.

Without further ado, a poem. No drugs were used prior to or in the making of this poem.

Arrested for possession. 12/12/16

Something still tugs at the doorknob

demanding release.

It was out of sight, out of mind.

It was distracted by impostor words,

but still it fights captivity

with no freedom in sight.

Words make great identity thieves.

Words make great drugs.

For a while, everything feels

like an escalated version

of normal

until suddenly everything is

worse than before.

That's the thing about drugs, though.

Some of them eat your soul,

and some of them cure cancer.

'Twas the night before Christmas...

Merry Christmas Eve!

I was at a family reunion on Thursday night, so I didn't get a chance to post a poem. I hope you won't hold a grudge.

In case you are completely unaware of time and space, today is Christmas Eve! How very festive. My family opened gifts this morning and now I am acutely aware of my inevitable adulthood. What was once a day full of toys has turned into a day of coffee makers, fancy lotions, and socks. The worst part is that I was still just as thrilled. I'm practically 150 years old, but it's fine. Any of my friends would tell you that I'm the grandpa of the group. Yes, grandpa. If you haven't seen me in a while, I should tell you that my wardrobe mostly consists of oversized man sweaters. I'm definitely going for the "sophisticated patriarch" aesthetic. Irony is a hobby of mine.

Anyway, I'll get on to the poem. This one was written almost two weeks ago, another of the many written all at once late one night. I think this might have been about a dream I had... or something. I don't really remember, but please enjoy!

Working woman. 12/12/16

Folding chair.

Pen.

Paper.

I sit on the curb of the street paved with brick

with a sign that reads

"One dollar, one poem."

People pass.

Wait.

Wait.

Finally, a salt and pepper man pauses

for a moment by my chair.

"Write me one."

I nod.

Think.

Scribble.

His beard reminds me

 of the jagged cliffs of Wyoming.

He reads.

Smiles.

A dollar falls into my hand.

I grin,

holding the crumpled bill.

I'm a poet now.

Thank you so much for reading this hot mess of a blog. I truly appreciate it. 

Have a safe, healthy, and happy holiday season. <3

PSA: PUPPIES ARE ADORABLE

Happy Tuesday!

Today's poem is pretty late. My apologies. Without the structured schedule of school, it's hard to remember what day it is, what year it is, what planet I'm on... things of that nature.
I've been spending some time lately with a couple little doggos named Lizzie and Bodie (big thanks to the Bensons) and I am thoroughly in love. One thing they don't tell you about college is that you will be completely deprived of contact with little fluffy friends. I've decided I'm going to kidnap the little puppers and keep them for my own. Don't worry, I've informed the Bensons of this plan. They don't approve, but if I flee the country there's no way they can stop me. Perfect.

Anyway, here's an eclectic poem I just wrote within the past 15 minutes while cuddling with Bodie and remembering that I was supposed to post a poem today and realizing I didn't have my notebook around. Behold.

Tension? 12/20/16

We didn’t talk

Our eyes met

I think

But there wasn’t a word

And that’s fine.

It was too loud, anyway.

All the sound 

left me feeling sunburnt

and stirred.

Sometimes

you pull at my fingertips

but the rest of me

is left unbothered.

It’s all just part

of the ghost town

these days.

I’m older now. 

WOW! A post on SATURDAY??

Happy Saturday!

Surprise! I'm posting a poem on a Saturday. Name a more shocking event. I'll wait.

I just finished my first semester at the University of Northern Iowa, and it was the most challenging and exciting few months of my life so far. I made a ton of great friends who I will miss unbearably over break, participated in some of the most fascinating musical ensembles and productions I have ever been a part of, and passed all my classes with flying colors (I hope... Grades aren't out yet...).
I've learned so many things this semester about myself and the world, in classes and in daily life. One of the most fun things I've learned this semester is that writing poetry is an amazing stress-reliever. Another great thing I've learned is that some other people I know actually enjoy poetry too! I'm so happy that there are people who like to read what I write. Thank you.

Enough of that mushy stuff. Let's get into some poetry, shall we? I just wrote this one about 10 minutes ago and couldn't wait to share it. Enjoy!


December. 12/17/16

Here, in the cold winter, 

where everything is covered 

in a phantom sheet of ice, 

the steady and shallow 

inhale and exhale of the hills continues. 

Dusted in bitter white, 

all things seem silent

all things seem still.

As early the daylight departs

along the highway 

and through the winter winds,

an orange glow emerges over the hill.

As the warm candle flickers

in winter’s kitchen,

so flickers a home in the distance,

casting a hellish glare

about the somber, snowy scape. 

The air is probably warm there

and the white dust has certainly melted

with the walls.

In the movies, with fire comes music

to accompany the crackling of the flames
but now, from afar, there are no sounds.

One down, seven(ish) to go.

Happy Thursday!

Today is my voice jury. For those of you who aren't music majors, a jury is a solo performance in front of the entire voice faculty to determine your grade for your semester of applied lessons, as well as comments and suggestions from the faculty. I perform at 11:00 am and I am currently just hoping that my voice is cooperating by then. If all goes well, I will walk out of that room having successfully completed my first semester as a college student. Let's hear it for three weeks off!!

Despite all the stress and nerves that are controlling my body at the current moment, it is Thursday, and therefore time for a poem. Please enjoy.

Revel. 12/11/16

They were never taught

to take time

to look at the moon

or listen to the leaves.

They were raised

on a schedule

of black lines and gavels

of yellow lines and travels,

not on dreams and wonder.

They are learning

in bewilderment

to break old habits

to breathe the air

to hold the precious.

They are older now

a childhood has passed

between the teeth of the highway's

enduring grip.

All poetry BOGO!!! Today only!!!

Happy Tuesday!

It's finals week here at UNI. Yay. With finals week comes a whole lot of sitting around in the "intensified quiet hours" of the residence halls, which is more than enough to make me a bit stir-crazy. But I just got back to my room from getting a little back massage and petting puppies at the student de-stress event in the union, I've got my coffee in hand, and I'm ready to share some poetry.

I wrote a lot of poetry last night. Like... at least 5. So I think I'll share a couple of them with you today. Sound good? I hope so, because I'm going to do it. You're welcome.

I'm struggling with a title for this one. 12/12/16

Soft nest,

bird perched

among soft light

composing his song

for tomorrow's dawn

as he chirps

silently in his head

imagining a dawn

of red and purple

to sing aloud his tune

set under gentle yellow glow

Above, the robin rests

for morning fast approaches

but the little bird

in his soft nest

sits awake, heart full

of music and light

in the dark night.

His mind stirs with 

melodies for the daylight.

---------------------------------------------------------

Always, Present. 12/12/16

Dear Former,

I am well. I am better.

I am home.

We searched so long, and I found it.

I find rescue in lines and ink, now.

I know you were looking for a hero.

I am finding love in all the right ways.

I am among many, and I hold few close,

but this is nothing new.

The change lies in the few -

they are true, Former. True. 

I am still doubtful, Former.

My worst habits remain.

I am still searching sometimes.

But, Former, I am well.

I am better.

Always,

Present

Define "Relax"

Happy Thursday!

I am about to rush across campus in the arctic tundra of Cedar Falls to take 2 back-to-back final exams, but it's Thursday so that means it's POEM TIME!!! Cue the party music.

This poem was written back in April. Full disclosure, the original poem that is scribbled in pencil in my book is a bit different than what I have published here. April Hannah thought it would be a good idea to use the words "psychopath" and "longs" in this poem... December Hannah disagrees. So without further ado...

Limited. 4/19/16

When you tell me stories

or about what's on your mind,

my heart pangs with jealousy.

Not because I don't consume

your every moment. 

Au contraire, my dear. 

I am jealous of all

the lives I haven't lived,

the memories I haven't made,

the thoughts I haven't had.

They all seem infinitely

more full than my own,

and my heart wants to 

experience everything

and remember everything

and think everything.

I am so limited.

It's been a while.

Happy Tuesday!

It's been a few days, hasn't it? I decided this morning, after realizing I haven't been posting every day, that I will be posting on Tuesdays and Thursdays only. It is on these days that I have an hour to sit on a cozy couch in the library with a cup of coffee and feel inspired. So there you have it.

Today's poem is quite simply a list. I have been trying to create a habit of mindfully recognizing one thing that I enjoy about life each day. Too often I get so swept up in my day-to-day events that I forget to stop and appreciate the fact that I exist in this world. How cool is that? Especially around finals, I think it is really important to take a moment and think about all the great things that exist for us to enjoy. So the following is a small portion of the things I love about being alive. Enjoy.

A Happy List. 12/6/16

Late nights with good friends

Light reflected on water

Genuine laughter

Crunching leaves

Brisk air

Unexpected beauty

Spontaneous adventures

Warm sunlight on a cold day

Deep sounds

City lights

Soft blankets

The shady spot by the art building

The smell of clean laundry

Nicknames

Hot coffee

Cozy sweaters

People with passion

New beginnings

Jeans off, footie pajamas on.

Happy Thursday!

I'm sitting in my comfy chair wearing red striped footie pajamas and talking to my best pal/roommate Lauren (who was just cast in UNI's production of Into the Woods!!! I'm so proud of you, bud!!!) after a long day of speaking and singing. A cup of tea and some poetry sounded like a good way to relax, so tonight I'm sharing with you a poem that was written a few weeks ago while hanging out with some friends on a Saturday night. They were intrigued by a bona fide Teen who actually wrote poetry. Like, for real. So they said, "Dude, you should write one right now. Just write a poem." And this is what transpired.

Untitled. 11/12/16

Now every smile seems more cordial,

every laugh seems more sincere,

and I look for a face that will behold mine with adoration

for now I see the world as a constellation

where every life lies - every life coincides

and we all meet each other at the same coordinate.

Maybe I'll find another constellation to engulf me - my last seems so far.

Let's be stars, let's be planets, 

let's be alive in parallel existence

and intersect in all the right places